#and be done with long distance
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Last night my boyfriend said he wants to be a better man for me. He wants to provide and give us a good life and a beautiful home we can grow in.
My heart is so full.
#tradlife#tradwife#tradblr#homemaker#homemaking#he also said hes looking forward when we can live together and help each other be better Catholics#he doesnt like going to church on his own and has a hard time being consistent since hes not able to go to mass during military weekends.#i told him i cant wait to be his wife and be able to support him#and be done with long distance#also mind you hes an incredibly good man and he already has a good starter home#hes a good start to his career as an accountant and tries to be a good Catholic#i cant wait until he proposes and i know its coming soon#my best friend helped him pick out rings and thats all i know about that#i love him dearly and i am looking forward to doing life with him#catholic#we're going to have a wonderful family
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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Long distance besties. This definitely happened after the third movie (source: trust me bro)
Based on this
#anyways time to yap in the tags 😋☝️#but first ummmm lemme just tag some shit#how to train your dragon#httyd#httyd hiccup#hiccup haddock#hiccup horrendous haddock iii#toothless#httyd toothless#ok i think that its done#anyways this definitely happaned after the dragons left like just trust me bro 🙏🙏🙏🙏#omfg i wanted to make this with hijack as well cause lol. do you get it. they're long distance LOLOLOL#maybe i will make it who knows. is it weird to make the same art trend with different characters??#OH WAIT FORGOT ANOTHER TAG#hicctooth#is this the duo name for them#or is it called#hictooth#doesnt matter. what matters is that theyre literally the definition of platonic soulmates bro#like wtf i love them#sorry for making them look miserable i didnt meant for them to look lile that 😭😭😭😭#omg with that being said#BROOOOOO I AM NOT GONNA DRAW DRAGONS ANYMORE IM DONEEEEE HOW DO YOU DRAW DRAGONS 😭😭😭😭😭🙏🙏#anyways first attempt do you like it. SAY YES RIGHT NOW#if you read this much till the end you need to kiss me rn muah muah muah#also say i did a good job at making them look like cookies like#say it rn#okie bye byeeeeee#I FORGOT TO ADD HIS BRAID IM GONNA KMSSSSSS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#omg i failed
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katniss: i accept the responsibility of the mockingjay
coin: yes, with gale as the perfect new love interest?
katniss:
#like ma’am this is the first long distance she’s ever done with peeta#why are you testing her mental state like that?? she just lost her soulmates she’s in denial about to a tyrant using him#as a way to psychologically torture her cause his situationship left him bitter#it’s a delicate situation please be more cautious!!#katniss everdeen#alma coin#peeta mellark#gale hawthorne#thg#the hunger games#catching fire#mockingjay#suzanne collins
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Go for a drive with me until we end up sitting in a parking lot and talking for hours
#wlw#wlw mood#sapphic#sapphism#lesbian#idk if i’ve professed it here but i LOVE parking lot talks😤#all my fav conversations have happened in parking lots#like lets drive and sit and talk and hold hands and i’ll fall SO in love SO fast#im gay and i like sleeping#hehe you may think im online rn but this is actually another scheduled post >:)#ive been so busy lately and the sleep hasn’t been sleeping (rude)#so im actually probably asleep rn >:)#and yet you see the post anyway >:)#you could see this post and immediately nap after it goes up#and then we’d basically be sharing a long distance joint nap😤#nap buddies separated by space but not time#doomed to have beautiful sleep but never together#😔😔#okay sorry done being obnoxious and going to sleep now😤#which for you is the PAST#because i am bamboozling all of you so HARD by scheduling this😤
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(concept art of young taigen - source ; art credit: @abigaillarson)
i cannot get over this concept art of young taigen. god.
just look at this angry bratty boy, too many feelings that he doesnt know what to do with! an abused 9 year old kid in poverty always playing with sticks in the dirt, obsessed with greatness and dreaming to escape his decrepit village—and he does!
he does escape. he runs away. this angry little boy, all claws and teeth and biting words uttered with a lisp, going on the run into a world he's never seen before until he makes his way to kyoto. and knowing him he probably forced his way in to be accepted by the dojo, growling and kicking even as he's thrown out, back into the streets, too stubborn to take no for an answer and never knowing when to give up.
taigen calls mizu a dog, weak, an orphan, a scrawny street urchin. but i can't help but think that he feels so bold to use those words because he had them spat at him too.
because taigen had the idea of "this is how the world is" beat into him from birth. he learned quickly that if you couldn't beat the world you could join it. but that meant losing your way, your values, your principles. and isn't that what true honour is? not just titles and status and glory?
we don't get to see what taigen, as a child surrounded by peers encouraging and goading him on, would've actually done if that meteor hadn't fallen right in front of them at that very moment. would he have really tried to throw that stone on mizu, killing her? we don't know.
but we do see what taigen (his true self, with no one around) does, when presented with the same opportunity. when mizu passes out in front of him, unconscious and near death, vulnerable, the path to restoring his honour lays itself out for him on a silver platter. and he wants to take it, wants to kill mizu, to claim what is his and return to kyoto and get back everything he'd worked tooth and nail for. he feels like it's what he should do. but he doesn't.
and later, again he is presented with the chance to betray mizu, likely offered by heiji shindo to get his rank reinstated within the shindo dojo. and again, taigen doesn't take it. he refuses. "stupidly loyal," fowler calls him later. loyal, like a dog.
because now, pulled away from the sneering looks and jeering words of people around him, telling him that this is what the world is, taigen had met ringo and mizu, two outcasts who refuse to follow a predetermined path to greatness. and so inside something blooms in him. something like hope. a chance to live in a world that doesn't kick you down every chance it gets, to live in a world where genuine kindness and and love and friendship and even weakness is possible, allowed to simply exist without fear.
because he'd been running away from the very idea of it the whole time. when he ran from kohama, he never looked back, never wanted to remember what it was like to be a child, afraid and hungry and angry and hurting, without the words to make sense of it, desperately wishing for something. something more. he doesn't know what. but he hears stories of great swordsmen and decides, yes, this must be it. this is what i want: glory, greatness. the twisted seed gets planted and thrives in this barren land.
and when he returns to kohama with mizu and ringo, he at last is forced to stop running. he must face the child within him again, and he tells that child to put down the stones in his hand, tells him to stop barking at anything that moves or looks at him wrong.
the child drops the stone, and taigen buys dumplings instead, gives them to mizu. the child within him, wide-eyed at the prospect of friendship, moves him to pick up a hammer and toss it to mizu. he's smiling inside even as he does it; giggling like a kid hiding a silly prank. as soon as mizu drops the hammer after him, he leaps at her, tackling her to the ground and they wrestle and laugh unbridled like two children playing while the adults aren't around to barge in and yell at them.
and then his gaze catches on mizu's lips, he stares into mizu's eyes, a sparkling blue, inviting like the open sea in good weather.
it's a man's desire that takes hold then, the child in him sinking away again, and he curses himself for it, because it ruins the moment.
everything goes to shit from there, and then it's back to being a man, back to putting on his grown-up's armour to play hero.
it fails. the shogun dies. fowler's beatings reopen all the wounds left by heiji shindo's torture. "honour is meaningless," mizu tells him. "nothing comes from being a samurai but death."
the words follow him, and he follows the words.
as everything burns down, he runs, leaving the fire behind him, and sees akemi, as well as the verdure of spring behind her, calling him. he does not hesitate then to hold his hand out to her, inviting her to come with him. "i don't want to be great," he says. "i just want to be happy."
what is happiness to him? perhaps he doesn't know it yet, or perhaps he does. but really, i believe happiness is what the child in him always wanted but never received. happiness is a home.
#taigen blue eye samurai#blue eye samurai#taigen#blue eye samurai meta#meta dissertations.pdf#fandom.rtf#shut up haydar#i remembered that taigen is a brat and then i remembered that he was abused#and then remembered how he does not hesitate to elaborate all his traumas to mizu during their trip to the tea party#this man is a boy! he is so unhealed he never got to grow up#i find it so so interesting how the show explores discrimination in such a way that is so nuanced#taigen is a bad man. but before that he was an abused boy. in poverty.#like the dimensions and complexities of societal discrimination. ie class gender race. is imo v well done#for a show with just like 8 episodes??#like the way everything is written in such a purposeful way allows sooo much to be explored i love it#also in terms of colour analysis i just realised taigen as a child is ORANGE. *not* green#you know orange like mizu's glasses? orange like a complementary colour to blue? yeah#also i figured i should tag this as#taimizu#i mean it doesnt HAVE to be romantic but. i just think mizu and taigen should be each other's home. (with ringo)#and swordfather and akemi ofc but theyre long distance#mizu ringo taigen write to akemi frequently and visit swordfather every so often#visiting akemi on occasion#sorry im being delusional in the tags#i just can NOT stop talking about these damn blorbos i am truly unwell 🤒🤧
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1.06 / 2.09 (33)
#the way they both cling to their families while in distress#their families are their most cherished people that they somehow can't reach#Hürrem has literally lost them long ago#while Ibrahim has reunited with them and has placed them close to him due to his own love for them and his position in the castle#but it's precisely that same position that distances him from them and *will* distance him from them even *more* down the line#the reactions here also reveal how Hürrem and Ibrahim view death#Hürrem embraces it because she's lost so much already#they always want to separate her from the family she has and the family she's built in some way#and it's like they succeeded here - it has already happened - she's taken from Süleiman the only other person she could latch onto and from#her child she was going to have from SS that would show that she was actually going to keep on that she can't be separated from her family#*this time* not so easily but it's over it's done it seems so let her go to her mother and father at least let her return to them#let her reunite with them that's all she can have after she's already dead#after she's failed and the evil in the palace has seemingly taken over - in her E01 dream it was *they* who made her push forward#in order to commemorate them in the first place; she doesn't mention her sister tho even though she was there in the dream too#and I think that's because at this point Hürrem searches for protection for *help* and her parental figures can provide that to her#more than anyone else; namely they guided her in her dream mainly her mother so she goes first#it all also goes to show how her latching onto SS is a gradual process as she calls him only later#Ibrahim clings to life as embracing death would indeed mean losing absolutely everything completely#*fully* separating from his family he returned to found and reunited with after he wasn't sure about whether it's even possible#and what's more he has both his past and current family in front of him in the present; he can't let that go he *won't* let that go#so he urges his father and Niko not to leave him as in not to let him give up to help him in the fight he thinks he can still win#but he doesn't mention his mother namely because she isn't there in that picture she's fully gone and already symbolizes#a more distant past that wounds Ibrahim too much and he comes to want to evade as this ep is soon after#his scandal with Hatice; no wonder she appears in E44 and urges him to go home thus to go back as he wants to move on so badly#more subconsciously than even the usual#magnificent century#muhteşem yüzyıl#muhtesem yuzyil#hurrem sultan#ibrahim pasha
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The Untamed, Ep. 11 // The Untamed, Ep. 48
#you can’t cross the distance to your brother but you can build a doorway to watch the loss through!!!#INSANE SHIT. GOD. HIS FACE. THE TRAGEDY OF LOSING SOMETHING AS YOU HOLD IT#AND MERLIN BADE FAREWELL TO THE KING HE HAD CREATED!!!#THIS HAPPENED LONG AGO NOTHING CAN BE DONE TO CHANGE IT!! FUCK. FUCK!!#Wei wuxian saying the cruelest thing he possibly could to his brother thinking it’s the kindest & just.#the way it world destroy both of them to know that. good. god.#the best part abt rewatching this series is 1.) I can understand what’s actually happening & the foreshadowing SLAYS & 2.) their relationsh#ip & seeing just how badly Wei wuxian backed himself in thta corner & Jiang cheng should have known to help him but he didn’t know how to lo#ok yet. because that came wijt time and experience and not having to build your home back up from the ground where evil people killed your p#arents & tortured your brother & now neither of you can really speak correctly to each other because there’s a gap#you don’t know how to cross because you don’t know yet who put it there#& then 16 years later in a temple you see what it is and why it’s there and that your brother will never#try to cross it because he thinks it’s a kindness#when all you’ve ever wanted was for him to stay.#ANYWAY. CRAZY HUH#the untamed#mdzs#jiang cheng#jiang wanyin#wei wuxian#wei wuxain#I don’t know the right spelling now these tags r making me doubt SO#wei ying
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Time Loops are they/them culture (Patreon)
Bonus of my little guy in ISaT style:
#Doodles#Pixel art#ISaT#Siffrin#Loop#And then I still don't have even a code name for smol and my time loop concept lol#I'm sure you can imagine my excitement upon seeing a time loop RPG <3#Not to be silly but the thought of either of us picking up the wavelength and running with it is fun to me haha ♪#I...may or may not have developed brainworms about it it's fine lol#Good characters! Good story! I'm always a sucker for a tragedy with bright spots <3 It's hard to even call the ending bittersweet tho hehe#It's very sweet! Like sugar :) Hehe#Shock of shocks I - person who has done this how many times now - liked the dynamic between Sif and Loop best haha#Is it spoilers if it requires past knowledge of my faves hmmm inconclusive lol#These were just introduction doodles - not even Getting Used To doodles yet a step before that!#Fun designs :D I like Sif's hair a lot <3 The way it's two-tone because he likes black! Adorable! And cowlicks hehehe#And eyepatch hehehe Sif's design is so fun ♪#What no my time loop shop keep lad having a hat like that has no bearing! I'm completely unbiased! Lol#For the pixel art I did directly just use Siffrin's hat in shape haha I just added the belt and buckle ouò#Man it's been too long since I've played with pixel art it's still so fun <3#Someday I'll get Aseprite. Someday#In the meanwhile it was fun to make their colour palette :D#I love that ISaT is in black and white canonically as well I think it's really cool ♪#Me when monochrome red 💕💖😭🤌💗#It is simply The Best colour palette out there I'm sorry others need not apply#Again my pencils and blood pen surely give away none of my biases because I don't have any lol#Hrmng I want SASASAP too pixel art cool - the glow up in ISaT is only strengthened by looking at the original closely!#Ah well I'll just admire at a distance until then <3
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Last chapter of Touching Distance is out! (7/7)
NOW COMPLETE!
Epilogue: You, wrapped around me
Dream glanced over at George, who was animatedly recounting a funny moment from their latest adventure, his hands dancing through the air. Each gesture felt like a vivid expression of their shared bond, a language that only they understood. It amazed Dream how easily their fingers intertwined, how natural it felt to lean into each other without a second thought.
He marveled at the way they could hold each other without fear or hesitation, the way their laughter flowed freely between them, weaving an invisible thread that bound their hearts closer together. The tender touches that once felt daunting were now filled with affection and familiarity. Each caress, each playful shove, and every shared glance was a testament to their journey together.
- - -
now on ao3 fic summary on tumblr
#IT IS DONE I FINISHED IT#big thanks to honelle for looking over it for me!#Genuinely didn't think I would make to the end because it has been so long but I am glad I did :)#definitely looking forward to writing something different though#not sure when or what that will be but we'll see :D#new chapter is out!#blu writes#bluishfrog fics#touching distance#dnf fics
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Hi Mim,, I wondered if you or any of your followers have words/advice on going long-distance with a beloved partner. I have to move far away from my love of 9 years(!) to attend my dream PhD program and we won't be able to reunite for another 3 years while he finishes his schooling. Every day takes me closer to the move and has me more heartbroken even though this is what I want and I believe we can make it through. Any words of comfort from the soracities community is so welcome and needed. <3
I have no experience with long distance relationships so there really isn't much advice I can give, but what I can tell you anon (if you haven't already) is: plan, plan, plan!!! Long distance is always going to be difficult and there's no way around that difficulty so one of your best bets is for both of you to work as hard as you can to maintain open, attentive, consistent, and deeply honest communication.
Figure out how much communication you need and what kind you value most--what about your partner? What are the ways you can make time and space for these despite the distance? Then sit down with your partner and work out a schedule for phone calls, video calls, daily (or weekly) check-ins etc and, most importantly: hold each other (and yourselves) accountable to them. Set out a game plan for how you will tackle conflicts over long distance: if you both are having packed school weeks, or feel you really need to talk about something, agree on a code word that says "I know you are busy but I desperately need you to make some time for this issue / for me" and then agree on a timeframe in which the other person will address it.
For example, you can schedule it so that you both ensure you have at least one weekly catch-up, and one fun date, on separate days that you always keep to: if you can manage something extra, great, but if not: have a baseline minimum you both honour alongside your commitments to your work and education and daily lives (you can even just have a study date where you both do your work together via video call)--your dates can be anything: you can do a weekly movie night with Hyperbeam or Teleparty (or visit the cinema on the same day to watch the same film and then call each other to talk about it), if it's feasible, take a walk together when you're on the phone and make a whole thing of it: pick a nice scenic spot in your respective places, plan your route, let the other know what it's like where you are, bake something together over video call, etc. Whatever routines and rituals you had together, see if there is a way you can carry them over remotely over the next 3 years, or even vary the things you do to make up for the fact that it is remote for now.
I think one of the hardest things to contend with is the sudden lack of physical proximity to each other, and the loneliness that follows especially if you see people around you in relationships having that, so I would also recommend finding stand-ins for that physical closeness. You said you won't be able to reunite until your partner finishes his own schooling--I don't know if that means quick weekend visits are out of the question (either through sheer distance or financially) but if they aren't, absolutely see if you can plan a visit either from your end or his. If not then maybe, along with your virtual dates, write each other letters, or send each other small tokens, postcards, silly little missives, anything to offer a physical piece of yourself to each other but also to remind the other that you're thinking of them and missing them and they can physically touch and hold those thoughts in a physical form.
I can absolutely understand your fear, anon, and it is definitely not easy and incredibly daunting, but I think it is something beautiful that you have had 9 (9!!!!!) wonderful years with your love already and the fact that you are brave enough to take this leap for your own dreams AND have such faith and trust in your relationship and its strength is a true testament to what you have built together over these years. You both should follow your dreams and fulfill them and I wish nothing but the best for the future awaiting you both where you get to combine those dreams and continue building another chapter of your lives together 💗💗💗
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i almost dont want to watch next weeks episode in fear of a finality on trackerbees, you know what i mean? i know its over i know they are doomed, they were doomed from the start. but just the thought of kristen having to say goodbye to tracker. again. its killing me.
#INSANELY anxious about this#:/// brennan and ally i hate u for making them break up#THEY COULDA DONE LONG DISTANCE *sobs*#anyways im a normal person#trackerbees#kristen applebees#fhjy#fantasy high junior year#d20#dimension 20
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i Might be a lil drunk rn /hj
#palletshipping#ash ketchum#gary oak#shigesato#gary x ash#pokemon#i love gary oak#im drunk BAHAHAH#can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars#has anyone done this yet#i love long distance shigesato
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The concept of queerbaiting annoys me. I was told that it refers to a work of fiction pretending to cater to a queer audience but then pulling back from it to avoid alienating homophobes, which is an incredibly specific thing. But a lot of people seem to think that it instead means "any time there's any gay subtex, metaphor, or ambiguity" or "whenever something from 1995-2012 was being a normal amount of homophobic for the era."
#I've secondhand seen the way Sherlock...was.#And yeah that's very pointedly cruel to the audience.#But not everything is that aware of its following to point by point mock them for half an hour.#And I think people forget that for a period there was a unique combination of awareness of gay people and homophobia bad#and a severe need to avoid being perceived as gay (and sometimes homophobic) at the same time#while it was ALSO very acceptable to treat the existence of gay people and homophobia or discomfort with both as a joke#so that whole wink wink nudge nudge dance was a huge thing in some of the 90s and earlier 2000s#and sometimes by doing that people accidentally made it seem even more fucking gay.#Or on purpose. People also forget that yeah gay people could exist as a joke but they couldn't be casual protags or w/e.#It wasn't really done like that.#I think what it's really proof of is that the 90s/early 2000s is long enough ago that people have become illiterate to the cultural cues.#When comedians complain 'you cant make jokes anymore' sometimes this is the exact thing they're referring to.#Gay people being on TV or in books isn't some funny joke you make anymore. Just being gay or seen as gay isn't the punchline it used to be.#People are shitty about it still but it's in a different way now. Being gay isn't as much the big embarrassment it used to be.#Gay tv shows and books are a whole market now. And stuff like Sherlock or supernatural were made right in the middle of that shift.#It's the only way you could position a strategy like this. I don't know if that cultural moment really exists anymore.#Audience backlash is also more massive and in real time.#Now instead of mockery at the idea of idk Dr house md being gay conservatives would see it as a 'culture war' thing.#And non conservatives are more vocal and more liable to criticize. TV shows are seen as keepers of culture in ways they weren't before.#I don't know how to describe it exactly. I'm not an expert and I know I'm missing some pieces or things I wanted to point out.#But yeah I just think people kind of. Forgot how people treated gayness as some kind of cootie disease you had to say#You didn't have really hard all the time. People are still sort of like that but idk the language changed.#A lot of talk about homophobia and queerness is very pseudo-academic now. The distancing happens with different signifiers.#But. Yeah.#☠️#I also think queerbaiting requires a specific kind of intent as a marketing strategy.#Instead of the more likely 'well we have an unintended gay following now so I guess we can throw in some fanservice#the network would literally never allow us to do anything with it even if we wanted to though.'
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"time blindness? but you're never late for anything!" yeah it's 'cause I'm anxious about being late, I always leave long before i need to, and I have experience with travel times in specific locations and routes that I can remember and fall back on, plus in emergencies i can check a navigation app and it'll literally tell me an estimated amount of time if i need to travel somewhere I'm not familiar with
#I've learned how to deal w it by now but that doesn't mean i don't have it lollllll#also it absolutely still is a problem for me in many ways#but yeah. if you ask me how long it'll take to walk down some random street I'd say. not a single clue bud#but if you asked me how long it'd take to walk from one side of campus to another. of course i know that.#there's times I've done that daily for weeks. how would i Not know how long it takes me#the cheat code is taking distances and routes you are familiar with and then comparing them to a new route to travel*#*note: not perfectly reliable at all. especially since i have a hard time with distances too lol#but it helps a Little bit. even if it does take a hot second to mentally compare them in my brain
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there's dialogue i want to get in hades 2 mostly because i deeply want to talk about it but it's hard to do so when i don't have the dialogue right in front of me
#GRRRRRRRRRR#hades 2#hades 2 spoilers#<- for the tags because i'm about to go off#it's between hecate and melinoë after mel gives hecate nectar once#i find it so interesting how hecate openly distances herself from melinoë emotionally#'i've used you and i'm using you still.' hecate is openly almost... remorseful? for her hand in mel's upbringing#and mel thanks hecate for making her the person she is today but hecate disagrees#she doesn't think she's deserving of this gratitude#it's a little heartbreaking on both sides to see. because i think hecate wants to love melinoë as her own child#but she refuses to allow herself to do so. meanwhile melinoë has at multiple points been described as still young#i think she's the equivalent of an older teenager in game. around 17 or 18. she's very naive and she thinks of herself very poorly#hecate is one constant that melinoë has had in her life and she's pushing her away and likely has been for a long while#it's just this really complicated relationship that they have and i don't think it'll end well when everything is said and done#i mean circe talks about a similar relationship she had with hecate at one point too. and how hecate pushed her away as well
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